The good, (the bad), and (the ugly)

So, what was good about Japan? What was good about working there? Did I waste my time?

In short: a ton of things, quite a few things, and no.

Anyone who knows me knows that Japan has always held a special place in my heart. Ever since my exchange back in 2012, I have had a huge love-hate relationship with the country and the culture. It is not perfect, but no country is. Yet, there are a lot of things that are admirable. Such as the ability of Japan to function in such a timely manner for the most part — you don't see trains running on time in Finland let alone people moving around in an orderly manner. Sure, Japan is not a utopia and many of the things that for a tourist seem to be lovely touches to make their experience a better one, may come at the cost of workplace welfare.

Japanese language is also one of the most rewarding ones to learn when you only know a few words here and there — people will compliment you on your language skills when you've only said "yes" (this may become a burden later on when your Japanese gets to a good level and everyone still acts so surprised when you speak Japanese).

The food is amazing, of course, even if for the most part you might not always know what you're eating.

Last but not least: nature. I was lucky enough to have a friend with a car and we did a few road trips to nearby towns and seashores. During my last month in Japan I also got to explore a few new areas (Arimaonsen and Naoshima) when my mom was over to explore Japan and I will never not be impressed by Japanese nature.

It is quite difficult for me to pinpoint just one thing why I love Japan. The country is a package where you get the good and the bad, but for the most part the good outweighs the bad. Especially when you're on a holiday. Working in a predatory industry? Eh, not so much. Just like in any other country, there are things that are terribly wrong, but also things that are done incredibly well.

Working in Japan

I never had any illusions that working in Japan would be easy. If a culture is that challenging just for an exchange student, trying to fit in to a corporation when you have minimal corporate experience in any case is a challenge. Teaching though? Pretty similar to teaching anywhere, except I suppose in many schools you have a lot more freedom to decide what you will do with your students.

In my case, I had ready-made lesson plans which of course were easier than having to design something from scratch. For the most part, my students were very enthusiastic to learn. While most of my students were elementary school students, I did get to teach a fair number of four-year-olds (and younger!) as well as middle school students, a high few school students and an adult. I was a tad surprised how incredibly smart some of the younger students were, but also taken aback by the lack of basic knowledge on some that were supposed to be learning at quite high levels. Nonetheless, I truly enjoyed teaching any student willing to learn.

Yet, one of my most rewarding experiences was with a student who really struggled with English. They had a really elementary level of knowledge, but through working with them very systematically and going through the text word by word, we were able to make progress on the third lesson. The week after we worked with the same method and again made progress — they also said that it was easier this time. It made me overjoyed to see that I was truly able to help someone learn, even if they always did not want to. Unfortunately this was during one of my last few weeks at work, but I will probably never forget how it made me feel to realize that I was truly able to help this student.

It is easy to say that I enjoyed teaching the students who were motivated and well behaved — sometimes even motivation was enough if they did not disturb the class too bad. I had quite a few of these and I would be lying if I wouldn't admit that I had to hold back tears when telling their parents at the end of the class that it was my final one with them and they would have someone else from next week onwards. It was easier with older students, but especially elementary school students were hard to say goodbye to — with some of them, you could see that they were upset, let alone some of their parents. Vast majority of my students were incredibly sweet kids and while the work environment wasn't great, I do miss my students.

While some classes were incredibly difficult with classroom management and at times it was ridiculously frustrating, I am happy to have had that experience. I hope to teach at university level in the future and if I can make a group of three-year-olds to focus, surely a lecture of 18yr+ students cannot be that impossible?

At the end of the day, in Japan I was responsible for my students' learning, if they weren't making progress, it would have been my fault.
At the end of the day, I really enjoyed the teaching part of my job.
Had it been just that, I probably would've wanted to stay longer.

Was it a waste of time?
No, why would it have been? Sure, it was exhausting and more often than not I was quite ill. Yet, I find it hard to describe all of those months as a waste of time. Had I stayed there for a longer period of time my answer would probably be different.

I loved living in Japan. Even through the freezing winter nights when there was a cold breeze from my wardrobe. Through the horrible time of dealing with Influenza A. I never stopped loving Japan.

It feels a tad absurd to describe how much I love the country when in reality it has given me the most pain I've ever experienced. Surely you shouldn't love something like that? Still, after all the pain, tears, sorrow and anxieties I love Japan. I love the person I become when I am there (excluding work me in Japan, work me in Japan is constantly exhausted and irritable). It is not the easiest country to live in and most certainly not for everyone, but through all the hell and suffering, it is my home. While I can be extremely miserable there, I am also at my happiest whilst there. When I think about places to travel to for holidays Japan is always number one on my list. It is impossible to imagine me without Japan - through the good and the bad.

It is funny, at the end of the day I feel like I will always long to live in Japan. Especially now that I have mostly recovered from my physical ailments. Japan to me is Home with a capital H and I'm uncertain if anything could ever take that away. I love my current job but I miss Japan. Japan is far from perfect but damn, it is home.

Oh, and what am I doing now? I work for an international organisation in Strasbourg and I love what I do. My work actually has a purpose and I'm treated like a human being. 

I also get days off and I am being paid actual money for any potential days I take off if I am sick - instead of being charged 500€ for having influenza, because, you know, that's nice? Even better, I have not had to take a single day off due to a flu or anything since I started here, because the organisation cares about your wellbeing and they will help you to have a work station where you can work properly.

(The Good,) the Bad, (and the Ugly)

I've been thinking about writing a lot, but I've done no writing at all. For a while nothing happened, and past week a lot happened. I finally resigned (well, gave my three week notice), and now I'm busy booking flights and accommodations before I head out to Australia for a bit at the end of May.

I have however decided to write a series of blog posts about living in Japan and I'm gonna start with the second worst one — the Bad. You know, just to keep the balance and be realistic. I will try to write the next part by Summer, but who knows. The last part will not be available until sometime next year, but I promise to publish it when the time is right and I am able to do it.

It's been about six months since I moved here. I had no illusions that life here would be easy. Japanese office culture is very specific and one-of-a-kind with its dress codes and rules on how to speak at work. Every morning you are expected to greet our manager with "お疲れ様です" or "お疲れ様でございませ", which effectively translates to "thank you for your hard work". The latter is more formal with "~degozaimasu" at the end and sometimes you can pick up a Japanese person being upset with you if they use "desu" instead of "~degozaimasu", but similarly this provides you with a way of being passive aggressive.

It's difficult to list things one by one but I'll give it a go...

1. Need to accept everything and anything as your fault
Let's say that something went wrong and it is by no means your fault. Are you allowed to tell the truth? No. You are expected to apologize and inform others how you'll ensure that this will never happen again. In a way it's okay if you learn to not take things personally — after all, you just work here and shit happens. However, it really depends on your superiors how issues are being handled. Some will accept an apology when a problem arises, others will keep bringing it up.

2. Dresscode
Now, I was aware that a job in Japan will have a dresscode and I came here appreciating it. I am a fan of school uniforms and I think they're great. However, especially when we are getting closer to summer, having to wear a black suit and tights gets incredibly uncomfortable. Temperatures around +15°C are fine, but for a few days we had +23°C the past week and it was nothing but uncomfortable. Being told that you cannot use the aircon because "they're not used until July" makes it even more uncomfortable — imagine teaching in front of a students when you're sweating your makeup off and all you want is to feel a breeze on your face, but there is nothing you can do about it except dream.

3. Need to treat superiors as gods
I appreciate that when someone is in a leadership position they've probably worked hard to get there. Are they perfect? I doubt it. Am I perfect? Of course not. Does that meant that they know everything the best? Probably not. I knew Japanese companies are incredibly hierarchic, but this level of hierarchy? I was not expecting this. Unfortunately I do not feel comfortable telling more right now, but ask me again in a year and I am more than happy to tell about the things that happened.

4. Being reprimanded in front of one's colleagues
This is the norm in Japan. You've done something wrong and/or your manager thinks you're terrible at your job? Every single one of your colleagues should know about it. While this can be partially attributed to cultural differences, the manner in which this feedback is provided makes a huge difference.

5. Need to be humble
Overall if I were to describe working in Japan with one word I would have to pick "humble". You need to be humble to succeed. You need to be able to take crap even if you feel like you're not at fault and even if you had nothing to do with the situation. You need to apologize for everything and anything you can think of. You're ill? Apologize for the trouble. You're ill because of your job? Apologize. You are always the one at fault and you need to accept that. You need to be able to take whatever is thrown at you and apologize for it.

There is so much more I wish I could talk about but at the moment I do not feel comfortable doing that. As of last week, I have given in my three week notice at work and will be leaving my current position in late May. I never thought I'd be this thrilled, but frankly, after these past months of pain (from what seems to be reactive arthritis more than likely exacerbated by stress) and poor treatment, I am absolutely thrilled to leave. I do not have a job lined up, but sometimes you just have to understand that if you really have to think about it it might not be right for you.

Now don't get me wrong; I still absolutely love Japan. This industry though? I feel sorry for whoever is going to replace me. I knew from the get-go that I was overqualified for this job and the first week showed me how right I was. I enjoy teaching and some of my students I am going to miss, but the job itself? I'm more than delighted to be leaving. There is so much more to this than I feel comfortable talking about right now, but perhaps in the future it'll all be clear to you as well.

I do still sometimes think of this as giving up, but then I'm reminded of everything I've been through and the wise words one of my MSc lecturers tweeted last year;

“Across my walks of life, I've seen by now that someone who:

*Ever treats you heartlessly, no matter if they sometimes treat you well;

*Is seen or heard to treat others the same way;

*Takes people's utility as their worth;

Is often one brave voice away from final disgrace.”

I truly hope this is true, because there is no other way I can perceive all of this being legal and accepted. At the end of the day, I perceive to have tried my best. I did everything I could. I got the union involved and with their help did everything I could. Nothing changed, so what other option do I have but to move on?

I deserve better than this and while uncertainty is incredibly uncomfortable and scary, it is still much better than certain despair. Life isn't easy or pretty and things will be difficult, but you don't need to accept everything that gets thrown at you. You need to be able to say "this is enough" and move on.

In this case moving on means having flights to Australia because a holiday down-under is exactly what I need after these past six months. That combined with a 10hr layover in Fiji should be enough to help me past all of this.

While right now I find it difficult to find the good in all of this, I know that my ability to read kanji has improved drastically. I am more comfortable with my Japanese (especially after a few asahi) and I have gained knowledge on what I don't want my career to be like. I still love Japan. I absolutely do. Would I want to live here for the rest of my life? Probably not, unless I'd have a job that matches my education and where I am treated properly.

I wish I would've been able to post more about these past months, but I have started to write a book about all of this, so who knows, perhaps in some time I can post about what all of this has been like?

xx,
Kiia

Japanese healthcare system

It's been a while and even now I'm not sure what to write about without saying too much and not enough. I suppose the best thing is to focus on not work-related things as they are easier to talk about. Since my last post quite some time has passed and frankly, there are a number of things I would like to talk about. Unfortunately, for the time being, I cannot discuss those matters. Thus, let's focus on something easier — Japanese healthcare. Now, those of you who followed me back in the days of my exchange know that I am reasonably familiar with Japanese hospitals. Yet, until now I have never had to go through all of this on my own with just MY Japanese skills and google translate. haha.

The past months have been colored beige with illness. I got influenza A in late January and since I have been to hospital/clinic more times than I wish to count. I'm rarely ill in normal circumstances; at uni I would usually get the freshers flu either before everyone else or then a month later, but that would be it. Here however? It's illness central.

The flu forced me to stay out of work for four days which in itself was a can of worms I wish I would not have had to open, but when your doctor tells you to not go to work, what can you do? Even when I was officially cleared for work (another doctor's visit, complaining of being exhausted and given meds and vitamins), I definitely was not in any state to be there. Luckily that drowsiness passed in a couple of days and all that was left was just exhaustion.

Give that a week and to the doctor's we go again.

Out of nowhere I was surprised with shoulder pain that would start at work. It lasted for about two weeks until during one class I was holding back tears from pain. I physically could not lift my arms above — or even to — waist level. Thus, I had to leave work early, take a taxi and to go to Japan's equivalent of A&E. After an hour or so I finally saw a doctor (and to be fair, while I was in excruciating pain and was in tears, I was not a baby with a fever or someone with potentially a flu. So while the wait was excruciating, I understand why it took as long as it did.) who basically diagnosed my pain as workplace-stress induced stress neck. I was given three tablets to last me through the evening and next day and instructions to find an osteopath/orthopedist asap.

The silly person I was, I did not seek an orthopedist asap but instead waited until next week when the pain got unbearable. I returned to work from lunch break one Friday and stated that I cannot bear this pain, but I do not know where to go. Cue yet another taxi-ride to hospital — this time to an actual orthopaedic hospital. I went in thinking that I would perhaps be back in time to work (although I was told to not come back) but it took a good three hours of x-rays and examinations.

Funny enough, once again my issues are something that while normal, is not apparently something that comes to mind at first when figuring out this type of pain. It took two sets of x-rays and two mobility tests to figure out that I have shoulder impingement — an issue I have never struggled with, but apparently has been there for quite some time, as it is structural. After going through the mobility tests and asked questions about my exercise, for example, do I play basketball — to which I responded that I have only played horse polo but even that only has an effect to my right arm... I was given two lidocaine injections to help to deal with the pain and medication for two weeks, as well as some exercises I should do daily — many of which I ended up having to do at work, as it was painful to do anything.

After eating the medication for two weeks, I immediately came down with a cold. It might be that it was an aftermath of the flu, or just the fact that when you work with children and are allergic to the soap it is very difficult to keep the standard of hygiene you would like. Even if you wash your hands almost obsessively. Initially I figured the cold will pass since after all, a cold lasts for two weeks if you just treat it at home or for 14 days if you go to the doctor's. Alas! I went to the doctor's (the same sweet doctor at my clinic who diagnosed my flu and told me that I am fit to work even though I felt that I most certainly am not) and got opioids for my cough. The side effects were disgusting — I have never been on medication that dries your mouth and lips no matter how much water you drink or how much lip balm you use BUT they actually helped. On some days my shoulder would remind me of its existence and I would be in pain, but luckily I was taking opioids three times a day, so for the most part the pain was bearable.

Cue last week when I finished my cold medication. The first few days were just "kind" reminders of my issues. I had been doing the physiotherapy exercises prescribed a month earlier, but I presume all the meds in between had helped. After all, almost immediately after I finished that two-week course of painkillers I had a cold and had to start opioids. Come Friday of last week and I was seriously wondering how I will make it until Monday to go and see a doctor.

The funny thing is, the pain is usually bearable in the morning. Sure, I have not been able to sleep on my left shoulder since the pain first started in late January, but during the day it's been bearable. At the end of last week, holding my umbrella with my left hand was a bad idea as it was painful, let alone using a screen at work that is below waist-level and constantly having to look at the screen as well as your students. Somehow I made it through the last few days at work, which left me sat at home on Saturday wondering how to survive until Monday. Hot towels and blankets were an answer, as was the fact that on Sunday I did not have to do much with my arms.

I went to see the doctor again today and "luckily" it was nothing more than the exact same issue I had a month ago. Got an injection and medicine for the next two weeks, but all this makes me wonder...

How healthy is this?

These are issues I have never had in my life before. I have eaten various medications for the past month and while some of them have been helpful, some of them have just given me side effects but no real relief. While it seems silly that in Japan you go to the doctor's for the slightest issue, in a way I suppose it is good. I am paying for Shakai Hoken (health insurance) and it is a lot of money, so at least I am using it, haha. Yet, it feels peculiar that all of a sudden I am so ill and it is not something I have had before — would it be my back reacting to poor work ergonomics, that would be another story. My shoulder? I have never had these issues before. All I can do is to continue with the exercises my doctor gave and hope that the medicine helps again.

While I hate being in pain — like most of us would — I do have to give positive feedback about my clinic and the orthopaedic hospital I go to. I have never booked an appointment as you can rarely do that in Japan, but apart from the first orthopaedic visit, it has never taken longer than an hour to be out with a diagnosis. My Japanese is by no means at the level you would perhaps like it to be for these types of visits, but I have always been able to make my pain known and I have received help.

During my exchange my pain was belittled a lot, but this time doctors have taken me seriously even if it is just my broken Japanese and gestures attempting to explain the issue. Indeed, all of these visits have been fully in Japanese. I am still not entirely sure how I keep on doing this, but somehow I am able to go to the doctor's and explain my issues in Japanese. Some things such as 'snot' (hanamizu — 'nose water') I might not always know, but at the end of it, through gestures we can figure them out.

Japanese clinics/hospitals are not my favorite place to be, but at least I have received help when I have needed it and for that I am more than grateful. Life isn't always easy in another country and these past months have more than shown it, but at least at the end of the day I do live in a country with 24/7 convenience stores and all the good food one can imagine.