At the junction of interest and passion

While 2016 can be argued to have been a bad year on many fronts, after careful consideration I could conclude that at least for me, it wasn't too bad. Academically, I finally got the chance to conduct "real research", got offered a job as a research assistant, started as a statistics tutor, continued as a student rep and started yet another research project alongside a lecturer. Personally, well, living in Paris was an experience that I wouldn't change for anything, despite it being a bit challenging to live in a house with strangers after getting used to living on your own. However, it is the academic matters I wish to focus on this time, because let's face it, it's all that matters?

I have known for quite some time that I want to get into academia, get a PhD, maybe work as a post-doc researcher and POSSIBLY eventually consider trying to get tenure. I've just always thought that an academic career cannot be a real, viable career option because let's face it — even getting on to tenure track is difficult, let alone getting tenure. You need to be ready to work casual contracts, work-life -balance seems like a utopic dream and the work itself quite solitary and requires a lot of menial things e.g. marking. Thus, I never really considered academia as an option for my future, it was one of those things I just "wanted to try for a while and then move on". As I've spent most of my semester 1 sat in a windowless cubicle, desperately waiting for people to show up to do my study, I've been alone. However, I've been in an environment where our lecturers work. I've had the chance to get a glimpse of what academia is like and with all the ... despair and sometimes madness that comes with it... I'm loving it.

It certainly isn't easy, I have absolutely no illusions. I'm collecting 96 participants for a lab study, I lived in my cubicle from the 11th of October until the 19th of December. Five days a week, with the exception of a week in a conference in Iceland and a three-day trip to Norwich. On average, I spent 7hrs/day just sitting in a windowless room, consuming absolutely ridiculous amounts of caffeine. I managed to get 93 participants but I had 33 unexcused no-shows i.e. people who never showed up nor informed me that they are not going to show up. It was bothersome and made me want to cry and/or scream multiple times but at the end of the day I wouldn't change this study into an online one. Sure, lab life is tiring, boring, painful, cold, solitary and whatnot but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. I've been able to get so much more out from this year as I've had the chance to focus on the things that really interest me; social psychology and statistics.

I've also had the chance to discuss with my supervisor/tutor/boss about academia and grad school; his words further ascertained my thoughts about possibly wanting to get into academia. At some point in early December it just hit me: I want to become an academic. I actually want to lecture, I aspire to be as inspirational as some of my lecturers have been. I want to do research. I want to dedicate my life to the things I'm passionate about, not just interested in. There are a number of research areas that I find absolutely fascinating, but they are not the areas I'm passionate about. They are the ones I read about at 2am when I can't sleep, my passions are the ones I focus on during the day. I'll happily start my days by reading interesting journal articles, I enjoy reading research. Sure, at times it is boring and weird and confusing but for the most part I just love learning. Yes, I spent one of my Sunday's reading about the 100 most influential papers of 2016 because... science. I ended up googling about the differences between Hodges' g and Cohen's d as effect size metrics because I had no idea what Hodges' g was. (Turns out it had been mentioned in a lecture at some point but I had no recollection of that happening.)

It has been a weird discovery; I've never thought of myself as an academic, I always wanted to travel a lot and make a lot of money. Academia might facilitate travel but money? Ah, if only. However, from what I've seen, academia allows (and forces?) you to dedicate all of your time to the thing, whatever the thing might be. My days in semester 1 were: lab -> home -> wine -> netflix -> bed (x ad infinitum) and while it was exhausting at times, I absolutely loved it. My breaks (and favorite time of the week) were statistics tutoring for first years on Tuesday evenings; I've been able to leave my cubicle for an hour and just not think about anything because first year stats are just great fun. This might sound really sad, even the workshop leader said that it is sad when I said that the workshops are the highlight of my week haha. However, I'm not sure if that's necessarily a bad thing?

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As of 3:35pm on the 16th of January, I was finished with data collection. Most of the day I spent thinking about the happy dance I'll perform once I'm finished, but at the end of the day my happiness manifested by closing a door a bit too loudly and telling my supervisor how "this feels incredible". At least the worst was over.

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All of the above was written on the 16th of January but never published. Things got too busy, I'm hesitant to say "life got in the way", as many would argue I don't have a life. After all, I mainly read papers, write, code tweets, tutor stats, and watch netflix. Sometimes many of these simultaneously. Second semester got busy with deadlines, returns of things from first semester and promises of future.

I have been conditionally accepted for an MSc in Social and Applied Science at the University of Kent.

I've gained a second RA position.

I've been working as a stats tutor for 2nd year students.

I ended up playing in a national polo tournament and our team came 2nd in our division.

I've been working on my dissertation write-up.

I've been drinking wine and watching Netflix, and consuming lots of coffee.

I've hated everything and everyone, but at the end of the day been so grateful for everything.

I love science and I love learning.

I've finished my dissertation as of 9:58am on Monday of this week and I'll be returning it on Friday, followed by ridiculous amounts of champagne with Ellie — because we're worth it.

It's been a wild ride and this is only the beginning.

But first... it's Japan calling in six days!